I wanted you to see my progress every year, but that isn’t possible
Now that you aren’t here
I wanted you to witness my growth and prosperity but now that you are away
That isn’t going to be
I wanted you to be a part of everything I chose to do but now that you are gone I can do nothing but miss you
I think of you with every single heart beat
Getting you out of my head is going to be a tough feat
I remember you every time I take a breath that’s how much I miss you, Dear dad, after your death I reflect on your memories. Every time I blink me eye this is the way it’s going to be until the day I die because the best dad in the world a year today departed to Heaven as it seems God loved him too, I wasn’t the only one
If only I had spent some more time with him I would’ve tried to satisfy myself to the brim
If only I had known of his death in advance to hug him and be by his side at least then I wouldn’t have missed a single chance. But I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to turn back time of hands on the clock.
We all take life for granted, some more than others. But we shouldn’t, as this is it, one life.
I used to believe this life is a rehearsal and we will return again in another form – but not any more
I used to believe in life after death, and when you’re at your lowest the one you lost and loved will pay you a visit – but not any more.
I no longer believe in anything. Instead tears daily blur my vision, every time I blink Dad’s on my mind.
I’ve been told I should not longer be like this, that life moves on and dad wouldn’t want me to feel so lost and upset, but i think that’s what the living say to try to snap you out of how you feel. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around miserable, I appreciate life more now and I smile often. I love my job with a passion as I Care/Nurse those with advanced and progressive diseases, physical or Mental Disabilities, Stroke, Parkinson’s, Cancer, Dementia, Alzheimer’s (many in a non-traditional palliative health care setting). But when alone, my heart burns as I miss him so much.
It seems surreal that he has gone away, feels as if he’s still here it seems bizarre how life can be so fickle, his death to me is heart breaking unreal. Now I know why you always asked me to be strong, because you know that one day I would need the strength to bear your loss. Mourning was just another word in the dictionary. But after your death, it has become a way of life for me.
One day I won’t cry, that day will turn into a week or a month – but, right now this second, even though it’s been a year – I’m not ready, not yet to move on.
I knew you that cancer was going to take you way eventually. I just didn’t believe that eventually would ever come.